Keep laughing

May 9, 2015

.

Flippity floppity floppity flip

Watch us jump, watch us skip

Through golden meadow or garbage tip

Flippity floppity floppity flip

.

Flappity flippity flippity flop

Watch us skip, watch us hop

From city square to mountain top

Flappity flippity flippity flop

.

Floppity flippity flippity flap

Maxus Irie is our map

One more furlong, one more lap

Floppity flippity flippity flap

.

Flippity floppity flappity flup

Shimmy down then bounce right up

The Book of Happiness fills our cup

Flippity floppity flappity flup

.

.

http://www.captivatingcult.co.uk/laugh.html 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECECL84

© 2013 Luke Andreski. All rights reserved.

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Eskimo

May 18, 2014

I come to you like an Eskimo

On the last remaining ice floe

when the icecaps have gone

.

I come to you like an astronaut

Who has lost contact with his ship

And floats towards the sun

.

Displaced and disembodied

Alight with hope

 

 

.

http://www.lukeandreski.com


My mother

October 17, 2013

 

My mother was beautiful and stupid and clever

Poetic and selfish, misguided, perceptive

Useless with people, terrible with men

Sentimental, not loving

Adored, not loved

Contradictory, direct

Fallible, impetuous

Reluctantly, I suppose, only human

 

 

www.lukeandreski.com


Spirit me away

September 8, 2013

 

Spirit me away

 

I whisper as I watch you play

 

I know you see a better world

 

Spirit me away

 

 


The Garden of the Sun – a Maxus Irie hymn

August 25, 2013

We are living in the garden, the garden of the sun

Each spark of life is precious, yes each and every one

We are the necklace of a thousand stars alight on nature’s breast

Each spark is its own miracle, by love and nature blessed

 

We strive to be the best we are, in happiness and love

We stride through nature’s garden, the shining sun above

We strive to share our love and joy, the whole wide world around

You hear our ardent singing – a wondrous, thrilling sound!

 

We are strong and we are mighty, yet we are humble too

We will share our mighty energy and gentle love with you

We share the mighty energy of the burning sun above

And transform this human world of ours with happiness and love

 

We are potent in our happiness, we are generous in our love

We share the mighty energy of the burning sun above

We need no mighty castle, no fortress in the air

If you scale the highest mountain, you will already find us there

 

If you scale the highest mountain, you will find us by your side

We are part of every living thing, in tooth and nail and hide

We need no mighty army, no weapons wrought with care

Look, thee, in the mirror: you will see us standing there

 

We are living in the garden, the garden of the sun

Each spark of life is precious, yes each and every one

We are the necklace of a thousand stars alight on nature’s breast

Each spark is its own miracle, by love and nature blessed!

 

www.captivatingcult.co.uk

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECECL84

© 2013 Luke Andreski. All rights reserved.


Happiness should be fun

August 18, 2013

I knew I had a calling for happiness from a very early age. I was thirty when my father asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I sucked my thumb for a moment, gazed up into his wise, fatherly face, then, withdrawing my thumb and waving it toward the sky, I cried, “President of the world, Pa! That’s what I want to be!”

Pa didn’t stop laughing for almost three hours. Then he took a sedative, swigged at the bottle of gin he always kept in the top drawer of his desk, tweaked my nose, ruffled my hair, and said, “Hey, son, that’s great news. But let me tell you this for sure – whatever you do, don’t ever grow up!”

I tried my best to follow my father’s advice but following Pa’s advice is something I’ve never been good at. Over the intervening years I grew up quite a bit. I’m now seven three (in heels), long in the tooth, greying of hair and widening of girth. In fact I’m almost as wide as I’m tall – and with each year I draw closer to an ideal representation of a sphere… I’ve become, at least in one sense of the word, increasingly worldly as I’ve aged.

Yet none of this has changed my perspective on life. My wild ambition remains undaunted, as does my dedication to being happy and to helping others find happiness too.

After that perplexing yet formative episode I needed to decide what to do with my life prior to becoming world leader. These things don’t just happen all at once, you see. They take planning, preparation and patience, patience, patience. So, as anyone might have predicted, my mind turned to the notion of joining a cult. I had come to see that it was my Ma’s turn to laugh so hard that she needed medication and I was confident that this was the way to do it.

People tell you that you should take your time when preparing to embark on momentous journeys, so I took my time. Years later I researched a few cults. There were some I liked, some I loathed, some I found a little disturbing… and some that weren’t even funny. (“A cult that’s not funny!” I remarked to Ol’ Stephanie, my wife. “What’s the point of that???”) Eventually I joined a cult that claimed that it wasn’t a cult at all. It was called the Church of the Third Veil. After three months of orgies and meditation I went home and told my ma. I couldn’t wait to see her face! “Ma,” I said. “You won’t believe what I’ve gone and done!”

I told her all.

Nothing. No response. It was like talking to a corpse in the final stages of putrefaction.

So I embellished the facts a little. “What d’ya think of that, Ma? Pretty amazing, eh? …Ma?”

When that got me nowhere I embellished the facts a lot: techniques, positions, more techniques, more positions, everything – but to no avail. Ma didn’t even break a smile. “Go to it, son,” was all she said – and “That’s my boy!” and “Give ’em hell!”

So I did.

 

The Church of the Third Veil sacked me some three years later, by which time I was their Spokesman for Alien Invasions, Hostile Incursions, Renditions, Water Boarding, Foreign Affairs and The Environment. As I later told Ol’ Stephanie, this was quite a blow. For a brief few weeks I suffered a diminution of my normally miraculous “h”-factor. The sense of happiness that had kept me ticking over even when the engine of my life stuttered and stalled was still there, deep inside me, throttling hard, but for a scant year or two it felt muted, dulled, daunted by the tribulations of life and time. Had I taken a wrong turn in life? Had it all gone horribly wrong? Was I plummeting into an abyss from whence I could never return? However, being almost perfectly ball-shaped by then, I bounced back in no time at all and came up with an alternative ploy.

After a most peculiar initiation I joined that sinister and litigious cult, the Savantologists. The Savantologists are a very different kettle of fruit and vegetables from the frankly raving Church of the Third Veil – and their path to enlightenment is a very merry and expensive one. But one thing kept me going. The sight of me, Luke Andreski, being enlightened, would be a sure-fired way of making Ma laugh!

So, poorer, thinner, older and wiser I found enlightenment of the Savantological kind… and went home with a great big smile on my face. I went in to my mom and she was there, in the chair she always sat in, and she looked up at me with that look she always gave me, and I showed her the new, enlightened me. “Look ma! It’s me!”

I even did a twirl.

Ma didn’t laugh.

She didn’t even smile.

She just gave me that mean, beady look that any son knows spells truble and said, “Son, your pa’s not very happy…”

“Pa’s not happy?” I tremoloed – all a tremble with worry and doubt and that extra little tingle of fear that I always got when my pa was mad. (What he did to those neighbours when they parked their car in front of our drive is another story entirely…)

“Wh – why, Ma? Why’s Pa not happy?”

“It’s you, son,” Ma said.

“Me, Ma?” I squeaked.

“Yes, you, son.” She looked at me long and hard, then said, “What’s all this following this and following that, son? What’s all this ‘being this’ and ‘being that’? What all this to-ing and fro-ing and um-ing and ah-ing when you were meant to be a force for good, a leader of men, a finder of truths… president, for crying out loud, of the whole wide world? Isn’t that what you said you were going to be? Isn’t that what you told your pa?”

“Ma!” I said. “Why, Ma – !”

There were tears in my eyes. Then there were tears on my cheeks. Then there were tears dribbling down my chin. I wasn’t completely sure whether they were my tears or Ma’s… but after an hour or so of sobbing I took a grip of myself. It hurt. “Ma!” I cried again. “You’re right! Pa may be away with the fairies and the wrong side of the kitchen but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to make him happy – so that’s just what I’m going to do!”

Ma snorted. She rocked to and fro, back and forth, in that old chair of hers, puffing on her pipe. The fragrant smell of Satan’s Finest Gold Blend filled the room. “Ma!” I yelled. “Put that out! You don’t need that!” And then it hit me. It hit me like a meteorite knocking the earth back to the age of the dinosaurs. It hit me like a sack of calf livers dropped from the highest building in the world. What Ma needed, what everyone needed, and what Pa needed most of all, was a simple straightforward route to happiness – one that didn’t need medication or hallucinogens or weird science… or bizarre beliefs or inner circles or a whole load of money and time… just something simple, just something friendly, just something happy… just something nice!

“Ma!” I said, my brain lighting up like a bowl of fruit beneath an impressionist’s brush – “Ma! I know what I’m going to do! It’s obvious! I should have knowd it all along!”

“Oh yes, son? And what’s that?”

“Ma! Ma! I’m going to start MY OWN CULT!”

Ma pulled her pipe from her lips. Her jaw fell. I think I had surprised her for the first time in her life. She looked like a horse that had recently chewed on a wasp.

“I’m going to start a happy cult, Ma! A nice cult! A captivating cult! A cult of happiness and joy! And why should religious folk have all the fun, Ma? With their hymns and their rituals and all their goings-ons and prayers! Ma! I’m going to invent some rituals and hymns and prayers of my own! Rituals and hymns and prayers for everyone. Rituals and hymns and prayers that atheists can do and sing and pray! Rituals and hymns and prayers that agnostics can do and sing and pray! Rituals and hymns and prayers that Christians and Hindus and Muslims and Jews and – and Zoroastrians and Zarathustrians can do and sing and pray! That everyone and anyone can do and sing and pray just to be a little happier! That’s what I’m going to do, Ma! Just you wait and see!”

And my ma’s chair creaked.

Back and forth.

To and fro.

Creak cra-creak  creak.

Creak cra-creak creak.

And then I realised that it wasn’t my ma’s chair creaking at all. No. It was my ma laughing… and my ma laughed like a creaking chair for a very long time.

 

Happiness – the website:

www.captivatingcult.com

Happiness – the ebook:

                                (US) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECECL84

                                (UK) http://www.amazon.co.uk/happy-Maxus-Irie-Happiness-ebook/dp/B00ECECL84

                                (Elsewhere – just try your local Amazon)

Happiness – the t-shirt:

                                http://captivatingcult.spreadshirt.co.uk/

 

 


A note about “How To Be Happy – The Maxus Irie Book Of Happiness”

August 18, 2013

 

Happiness should be fun – and I thought of this book, and the whole concept of Maxus Irie, as a way of emphasising the fun aspects of religions and cults both for those who are religious and also for those, like myself, who are not. Everyone should be able to enjoy prayers, rituals, hymns, psalms and myths – so why not democratise our natural instinct to rejoice?

Sing and you almost immediately feel happier. Pray, and you immediately have a sense of connection with the world into which you are sending your words. Rituals imprint mood patterns more firmly on your mind, while at the same time affirming your principles and beliefs within the material world. These are marvellous ways of expression and they deserve to be shared.

If you say these words:

“The power and the light

And the warmth

Of the sun

They are in me

They are in me

And they fill me with joy”

then you will almost certainly feel a little bit happier – and if you are unhappy they at least suggest and affirm the possibility of a happiness to come.

So, as you open the pages of How To Be Happy, I hope you will join me on a journey that I am just starting out upon: to happiness, contentment and love.
For more information visit www.captivatingcult.com  and www.maxusirie.wordpress.com. @maxusirie is on Twitter and you can contribute to the Maxus Irie group page on Facebook.

To find the book:

                                (US) http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ECECL84

                                (UK) http://www.amazon.co.uk/happy-Maxus-Irie-Happiness-ebook/dp/B00ECECL84

                                (Elsewhere – just try your local Amazon)